Outline Paragraph " Free Hugs Campaign " by Wisnu Bayu Temaja
Topic sentence : People want to
share their happiness among the people.
1. Major
supporting sentence 1 :
It was
followed by another people who want to get a free hug. (It was followed by
another people who wanted to get a free hug)
Minor supporting sentence 1 : They wanted
to make free hugs allowed anymore
Minor supporting
sentence 2 : Free hugs
allowed again by the police and they invited everyone who wanted to get free
hugs, including the police.
Conclude sentence
: People want to share happiness among the people no matter age, job, or anything
else and this is the real form or the real action in sharing happiness to the
world.
Grammar : I
think there are some mistakes with the grammar, because in your paragraph the
tenses that you used is not consistence for example (a lot of question) a lot
of questions (people who want to) wanted to (of get signature) of getting (they are looking for ) was looking.
Vocabulary : I suggest that the word
‘slipped’ in the sentence they just slipped by around him,
probably you can change it by ‘go past, go by or pass.'
Mechanic : I think in this sentence “They might
think he was unique, strange, odd, or just want to create a sensation, or even
worse they thought that guy was crazy. “there are many “comma”. There are
already time signals in your paragraph.
Comment in general :
After I read Wisnu's post, I think it is
good enough. At the beginning Wisnu tells about the situation around the man with
the sign who shares free hugs with each other people even though they don’t know
yet each others. There are already time signals in Wisnu's paragraph. But, I
think Wisnu can develop his paragraph and makes the paragraph become a little bit longer. I also suggest you that you should be careful with the grammar
that you used in your paragraph.
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